memorialgarden

It is not only about tears and pain while working through the grief for a pregnancy loss.  I have spent the last four or so years dwelling on the actual miscarriage; the intricate details of the days leading up to the miscarriage, the long night, and the even longer day following the loss.  The physical recovery phase is all a blur but all I remember about that time, is the immense sadness and emptiness I felt.  Lately I have decided on a different approach; how about focusing on the happier times. 

The excitement and anxiety surrounding the positive pregnancy test, the days when I walked around with a secret smile on my face.  I still remember gently rubbing my swelling belly in anticipation of the new life growing within; I tried back then to imagine what the baby would look like.  I was convinced I was carrying a boy and I also day dreamed and imagined how he’d fit into our family and what kind of personality he’d have.  I think of those days and I smile.  It was a fun and beautiful dance and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.