Sep 26 2008
I am sorry… is the perfect thing to say
WHAT NOT TO SAY….
“If you were pregnant, I sorry to say you are not any more. I found some conception products during the exam.” ….Emergency Room Doctor My hearts response: Of course I was pregnant and please I was carrying a Baby not “Products of Conception”.
“Be thankful for the children that you have” … a well meaning friend.
My hearts response: I am thankful for my children, but I still wanted to be thankful for one more!
“You can always have another baby” My hearts response: At this particular moment I am not thinking about another baby, I am thinking of THIS baby that is no longer here with me.
“It is for the best” My hearts response: Who’s best? Is it really best that my baby died?
“I understand how you feel, I have miscarried before”
My hearts response: I really don’t think you understand how I feel. Your grief was probably not the same as mine.
5 Responses to “I am sorry… is the perfect thing to say”
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You are right. I am sorry is the only thing to say. People sometimes don’t know what to say so they think by offering their opinions that it helps. I remember when my Mother died. I told a friend that she had died in her sleep. His response was “How beautiful, that is the best way to go” I’ve never forgotten that moment and it was 14 years ago. So, in closing, I am sorry.
Jo
http://apoetsview.today.com
Laane- Grief is always different from person to person. I guess saying you understand may be wrongly construed. The reason I mentioned the last one is based on the circumstances. A woman who has been infertile and lost a child she had been trying to conceive for years may feel her pain is so intense that she feels no-one understands her pain… and its presumptive for some-one to say they understand. I have always accepted peoples comments with grace and never said what in my heart to anyone. I have always been grateful for any kind of support- however strange it sounds when it comes across.
Jo- thanks. My point is that people need to learn to be aware of the implication of what they say.
Krys- Thanks. One of the reasons of my advocacy is to hopefully help people not put their feet in their mouths!
Thank you for this. “Sorry” is the only thing I ever say when someone is grieving. I learned that this was truly the only thing to say when my Dad took his life three years ago and it was all I wanted to hear from anyone…and, boy, did I get some doozies from well-meaning acquaintances. Your blog is a wonderful respite from the rest of the Web. Well done.